


Problematic Pronouns

by AivaRoyal



Series: Marvel One-Shots and Stories [2]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Original, Based On Marvel Comics, Character Personalities Are Based On The MCU, Deaf Clint Barton, Implied Tony Stark/T'Challa, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Mentioned - Pietro Maximoff, Mentioned - Wanda Maximoff, Sassy Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:37:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15690162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AivaRoyal/pseuds/AivaRoyal
Summary: Steve suddenly finds himself unable to talk in first person, and Tony has a field day with it.





	Problematic Pronouns

Tony dusted his hands off.

 

“That's another bad guy on his- well, her, way to prison. And another very large check I'm going to have to write to a city in a foreign country. Do you see where I'm going with this?”

 

Tony leaned back and propped himself on the wall behind him.

 

Steve started working through the problem in his head.

 

“Yes. The Avengers need to be more careful in dealing with these threats.”

 

“The Avengers includes me and you too.”

 

“Acknowledged, but aren't there far more destructive members?”

 

“Yes, the Norse God of Thunder and a man who goes from Napoleon Dynamite to Steve Austin cause more damage than we do, but we all have to be accountable.”

 

“Agreed. Although the bad guys these days aren't really helping. It seems like Scarlet levels a block every time the Avengers fight her.”

 

“Well you aren't wrong. These villains have gotten more… forward? Brash? They're definitely helping run up our damage bills.”

 

“Maybe it's something The Avengers should look into.”

 

“The good news is that two of the wealthiest people on the planet are Avengers. The bad news is that if we weren't then we'd have a hell of a problem funding ourselves and repairs on all of these places we end up fighting in.”

 

“You and T’Challa have not gone unappreciated or unnoticed. You kind of can't. Not when one of you wears a bright black catsuit and the other looks like a red and gold water heater.”

 

“I hope you know I resent my very expensive suit capable of fighting at least ten of you being called a ‘water heater’, but you at least got close on his.”

 

T’Challa entered the room.

 

“I admit that ‘catsuit’ is better than a water heater, but Shuri would not be so forgiving.”

 

“Hello, your highness.”

 

“What Rogers? You can only call me by name when I am not present?”

 

Tony picked up a cup of coffee and gestured at Steve.

 

“I think it's sarcasm.”

 

T’Challa looked at Tony and laughed.

 

“Oh Tony. You would know a think about that wouldn't you.”

 

“Me? Sarcasm? I resent those accusations.”

 

“It's nice to see you my friend.”

 

“You too, T’Challa.”

 

T’Challa turned back to Cap.

 

“It's nice to see you as well Steve.”

 

“Likewise.”

 

T’Challa looked at Steve with a face of confusion.

 

“You do not seem to enjoy my presence as much as you do Tony’s. Should I leave?”

 

Tony put his cup down and decided to break the tension.

 

“Don't worry about it. You're free to stay, both as my friend and as a fellow Avenger.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Tony turned to look at Steve.

 

“You do seem a little off Cap.”

 

Steve scoffed. Tony turned to look at them both.

 

“Well, I’m going to go debrief the team. Try not to engage in any wild throws of affection.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes.

 

“See you, Tony.”

 

T’Challa laughed.

 

“Until next time, my friend.”

 

T’Challa turned to look at Steve.

 

“So, what is it with you and me?”

 

“What are you implying?”

 

“I am not stupid, Rogers. I am the king of Wakanda, an Avenger, and the warrior chosen to represent the Black Panther.”

 

“Steve never said you weren't.”

 

“You are Steve.”

 

“Steve know.”

 

“Do not play games to escape this conversation, Rogers.”

 

“Steve am not.”

 

“So why do you insist on talking in third person?”

 

“Am Steve?”

 

“Come and find me when you are willing to have a conversation like an adult, Rogers. You may be a hundred years old but you are no smarter now than the day you were frozen.”

 

T’Challa turned on his heel and walked out like he was on a catwalk.

 

“What does Tony see in that Wakandan runway model?”

 

* * *

 

T'Challa approached Tony following the debrief.

 

“Tony, we must speak.”

 

“Must we?”

 

“There is something wrong with Rogers.”

 

“I could have told you that.”

 

“No. He would not stop referring to himself in third person while I talked to him.”

 

“That is uncharacteristically annoying of him.”

 

“Please see to your friend before I, or Okoye, do.”

 

“Gotcha.”

 

* * *

 

Tony knocked on his friend's door.

 

“Cap? Steve? Hey?”

 

“Yes, Tony?”

 

“T’Challa is apparently worried about you.”

 

“The king? Worrying about a commoner?”

 

“Okay. First of all, you need to lay off of him. He is a good king, a great man, and a damn good Avenger. Secondly, he was worried because apparently you wouldn't stop talking in the third person.”

 

“That sounds a little ridiculous, right?”

 

“Yes, because you haven't so far.”

 

“And Steve won't. Because Steve doesn't.”

 

“You literally just did. Twice.”

 

“No Steve didn't.”

 

“Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“When you speak. Are you hearing yourself say the right words?”

 

“Of course Steve am!”

 

“Okay that would at least explain that sentence.”

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“Okay, for the rest of us you are speaking in third person. Not grammatically correct third person though.”

 

“But why?”

 

“I honestly don't- Just give me a minute.”

 

Tony started pacing the room.

 

“Wait.”

 

“What, Tony? Tell me.”

 

“We just locked up Scarlet Witch.”

 

“And?”

 

“A witch. Steve. Spells? Curses? That kind of shit?”

 

“Are you saying she witched Steve?”

 

“I’m not saying that I know for sure, but I still can't really wrap my head around magic and all of that. I’d normally refer to the wizard but he's off fighting some giant evil entity in the 616th dimension or something like that.”

 

“Can you find a way to ask her?”

 

“Considering we sent her off to the Raft in a box this morning yes, but it's going to take a little trip. In the meantime can you just like, avoid using the pronouns I, me, etc.?”

 

“Steve will try.”

 

Tony just stared at Cap with an expression that could only partially convey how much he wanted to just not help Steve in that moment. Steve just stared at the ceiling with a look of immense regret.

 

“Will try harder.”

 

Tony just turned on his heel and walked out.

 

“They're made for each other. Or fashion week. Or both.”

 

* * *

 

“Have you come to your senses, Rogers?”

 

“Tony thinks Scarlet Witch used a spell on…” , Steve gestured to himself, “and that is why”, Steve gestured to himself again, “keep talking in third person.”

 

T'Challa paused to reflect.

 

“Are you telling me the truth, Rogers?”

 

“Yes. Yes Steve am… Damn it.”

 

“Alright then. I shall stay your execution in Wakanda.”

 

Steve just froze in momentary horror.

 

T’Challa started laughing his ass off.

 

“If you could have seen the look on your face. Oh bless me.”

 

Steve just stared at T’Challa.

 

“If that is in fact the truth, then you have my forgiveness, Rogers. For both my treatment of you earlier, and for the joke.”

 

“Thank you, T’Challa.”

 

“If it is not, then there will be no stay of execution for mocking the king of Wakanda.”

 

Steve stared in partial panic and disbelief, because he couldn't tell if T’Challa was actually joking this time or not.

 

T’Challa started laughing again even harder than last time.

 

“The look on your face! Next time I will take a photograph for Shuri and Tony.”

 

T’Challa continued laughing.

 

Steve just walked away.

 

* * *

 

Tony arrived back at the Avenger’s Tower.

 

Steve very quickly found and approached him.

 

“So, any news?”

 

“Well Cap, yes.”

 

“Well?”

 

“You're not going to like it.”

 

“Tony.”

 

“Okay fine. Wanda said that it could be a side-effect of one of her immobilization spells. You remember when she froze all of us before Thor could hammer her?”

 

“But how does that?”

 

“Basically it stopped you, but it didn't completely un-stop you. It appears that it only targets one part of you and that depends on what was happening when it was cast.”

 

“So…?”

 

“So you must have been saying ‘I’ or something. Imagine if that had happened to Bruce and he changed back and still had like one Hulk toe. Or a Hulk-”

 

“Tony.”

 

“You're right that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. For him at least I mean.”

 

“Tony. Steve swear to god.”

 

“Okay okay. It should wear off in the next twenty-four hours.”

 

“Should?”

 

“It could be 36, but even if it is. It's already been like 12 hours since we locked up Wanda.”

 

Steve looked a little puzzled.

 

“She's awfully willing to talk for someone who just got imprisoned by the Avengers.”

 

“You tell someone you'll let them see their brother who you conveniently keep locked up in the same prison and some of the bad just kind of melts away.”

 

“You keep Quicksilver in the Raft?”

 

“I didn't before now.”

 

* * *

 

“Hello everyone. We have an announcement.”

 

T’Challa repositioned himself in his chair.

 

“Oh this is going to be good.”

 

Tony started.

 

“Due to our conflict this morning with the Scarlet Witch, Cap has temporarily lost the ability to use first person pronouns.”

 

Thor readjusted himself in his chair, imitating T'Challa.

 

“So basically he is stuck calling himself, Captain America?”

 

Tony nodded.

 

“That is a good deduction, Thor.”

 

“There's a duck?”

 

Thor looked around confused.

 

Steve decided to cut in to stop further derailment of the conversation.

 

“The point is. Don't be confused when Steve say weird things. Like saying Steve am Steve. Because Steve am.”

 

Thor picked up his chalice of wine.

 

“I’m not going to lie, I thought it would be a more interesting announcement.”

 

Tony laughed.

 

“I feel your pain, Thor.”

 

Thor gestured his drink towards Tony.

 

“Thank you, Tony.”

 

T’Challa looked over at Thor and Tony.

 

“Hush you too. Let Rogers speak.”

 

Steve nodded at T’Challa.

 

“Thank you, T’Challa.”

 

T’Challa laughed.

 

“No. You have to go back to calling me ‘your highness’ now. It was funnier.”

 

Thor paused.

 

“What about me?”

 

“You are still fine.”

 

Thor grinned and settled back into his chair.

 

* * *

 

 

Tony stood behind Cap in the kitchen watching as various Avengers came in contact with him over the course of the night.

 

Hawkeye came back from a solo-mission very unaware of the announcement, and very tired.

 

“Hey, Cap.”

 

“Hey, Clint.”

 

“Tony.”

 

“Clint.”

 

Tony decided to chime in to jump-start the conversation.

 

“Hey, ask Cap how he's doing.”

 

Clint looked a little confused.

 

“Why? Will it be funny?”

 

“A little.”

 

“Hey Steve.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“How are you doing?”

 

“Steve is doing just fine.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Steve is doing just fine.”

 

“Can you repeat that again?”

 

“Yes look Steve get it. Steve am still talking in third person and it's funny.”

 

Hawkeye tapped his hearing aid.

 

“I just meant I couldn't hear you, but the whole third person thing is funny too.”

 

Steve just rolled his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

 

“By the way I heard you both times, Steve. I just thought it would be funny.”

 

Clint patted Cap on the back and walked away.

 

Steve turned around to find Tony struggling not to laugh.

 

“Enjoy it now, but this could have happened to you.”

 

“Honestly, that probably wouldn't be that bad.”

 

“You'd like to think that wouldn't you.”

 

* * *

 

Tony knocked on Steve’s door and peeked inside to see Cap still in bed.

 

“Hey Steve. How are you?”

 

“Go away, Tony.”

 

“I’m just checking to see if your problem has been fixed.”

 

“I really hope so.”

 

“Damn. I wanted to continue making fun of you.”

 

“Oh thank God. I never want to go through that again.”

 

T’Challa came jogging down the hall.

 

“Tony. Steve. We have a problem.”

 

“What?”

 

“We have a containment breach at the Raft. Two prisoners have escaped.”

 

Steve rolled over and screamed into his pillow.


End file.
